Settling into a New Safe Space
I’m writing this as I sit down for what feels like the first time in a week. Minus the 18+ hours of driving I did to get to where I am now. I actually am in complete awe over how I got to where I am now. And I can’t wait to share it all with you.
I really did want to write a post sooner but was feeling apprehensive about it. About 24 hours after my last post in September, I received harassing messages from what I could only assume was my ex (under a fake name) and his brother (who didn’t even try to hide his). Of course, I immediately screenshotted, flagged and deleted the comments but it left me on edge. I had been on the fence about filing an order or protection so I put it into motion first thing the next morning and it was granted shortly after. Still, for now, I won’t be bringing up that … situation … for a long time.
I will say that I’m proud of how far I’ve come since September. Leaving that …situation … I was just a small shell of myself. While I still experience some flashbacks and nightmares, my emotional and physical health is healing in all the best ways. I’m remembering who I am, what I want and where I want to be.
Which brings me to why I’m 18 hours away from home. Back in October, I flew down to Charleston and looked at a total of 10 apartments between there and Savannah. I have always said I wanted to move south and I generally do the things I say I want to do. For some reason, I kept finding excuses to not follow through with this. Whether it was relationships, family, friends or work, I kept thinking it was never the right time.
But after this past year, I knew there was no better time for a change. I needed to do it for my health and happiness. I have grown a great organizing team who could continue to work for me on Long Island while I manage the business from wherever I decided to go. Facetime and Zoom exist for a reason so that I can still see and talk to my family and friends. And, let’s be honest, I decided I’m done dating New York boys.
Anyway, after long pros and cons lists, I landed on Savannah and the next couple of months flew by. I worked long hours to finish up organizing projects I started, got all my logistical ducks in a row and started packing.
Thankfully, the brunt of the work was done in September when I moved most of my stuff into a storage unit. I was sure to number and inventory the boxes in a spreadsheet which made it so easy when I arrived here.
Psst my next blog post will be my top moving tips (from someone who has done it a little too often).
But still, the amount of work to prepare for a 900+ mile move was endless. I also decided to take matters into my own hands and move my stuff myself. I didn’t have much in the grand scheme of things so movers were quoting me obscene amounts and telling me it could take weeks for my stuff to arrive. My inner control freak was like, nah, I got this.
So I rented a 12 foot truck and drove that puppy (with my puppy in it) all the way from NY to GA with a stop in NC in between. My mom was a saint and drove my car down then flew back. I had some help on my second day here between her and my Sort and Sweet partner and her boyfriend who live in SC.
But since then, it’s been all me. The amount of sweat I’ve dropped, bruises I’ve gotten, hours I’ve spent assembling things and steps I’ve walked to and from the car are high. I’m currently exhausted yet so thrilled to be here. The apartment is beautiful and it’s refreshing to start, well, fresh!
I will be working with organizing clients here but my goal is to have more time to spend pursuing my passion for writing. I just signed a freelance writing contract for an online home publication and can’t wait to share the work I’ll do with them! Of course, I also want to create more content here as well. You know my whole Move with Mary series? Yeah, I’m going to restart it using this new place as an example. I really loved the systems I put into the last space and thankfully, many of them are translating well here.
I think it will be good for those curious to see how organizing supplies and systems can transition well if you’re intentional about it. Some are not working so I’m having to get creative which is the part about organizing that excites me. So, in the same vein, it would be good to demonstrate how to rework things when you move from one place to another.
As I mentioned, my next post will be giving you my top tips for moving. Whether you are in the process now or plan to be in the future, you will not want to miss it! I want to preemptively share a guide that we have on Etsy that will help you get organized for a big move. I’ll break it down a bit more in my next post.
Before I leave you, I want to give a few tips of what I’ve learned through my healing journey these last few months. I sincerely hope that whoever reads them can get something worthy out of me sharing:
One
If you have access to therapy or mental health support, whether you think you need it or not, please take advantage of it. Not everyone is fortunate enough to (and hopefully that will change in time) but if you do, it’s so worth the investment. Having an unbiased person to talk things through and see things from a different perspective is immensely helpful in becoming more self aware. I truly believe that the more self aware we are as a society, the better we can treat ourselves and others.
In addition, it helps us to recognize patterns, mindsets and behaviors that are very likely hurting our potential. Whether that be for success, happiness or anything we deserve in life, bringing it to the forefront of our consciousness helps us to make the changes necessary. It might be ugly at first (I know it was for me and it’s still not all that pretty) but it’s critical to becoming the person you want to be and have the life you want to have.
Two
If you’re constantly hustling and on the go and “so busy” is your default answer when someone asks how you are, take a breath. That has been me for years and it only resulted in burnout, fatigue, health issues, strained relationships and unhappiness. I didn’t know how to slow down and enjoy life. I was trying to get to the finish line of a race that only I was running and for no good reason.
Now I’m trying to retrain myself to slow down. I take the dog for long walks or get down on the floor and play with or cuddle her even if I have a hundred other things that I *should* be doing. I put my phone on the charger and watch a Hallmark Christmas movie while sipping wine. Instead of mindlessly scrolling Tik Tok with the TV on in the background, I actually pay attention and play this game where I figure out all the plot holes (not hard with these movies). It’s the little things that mean a lot when we take the time to just be and enjoy living this thing called life.
Three
Pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you or see an expert if you can. I spent a year and half seeing different doctors about my health issues and most told me it was in my head or it was stress. And while yes, a lot of it was from stress, I finally received diagnoses for things that I am now on medication for and seeing a massive improvement in my wellbeing. If something doesn’t feel right, keep exploring and be your hardest working advocate.
Also pay attention to what you put in your body and how it makes you feel. I realized that coffee was giving me some, um, stomach issues so I’ve begun finding alternatives that are better for me (Foursigmatic is a good one!). I also let myself indulge when I want because, you know, life is short! My first stop on the way to Savannah was at McDonald’s because I was craving their fries. There’s something to be said for being intuitive with your body and feeding it what it needs and wants.
Four
Make red flag lists. Now that I’m going to start dating again, my therapist suggested that I create a list (I just added it in a note on my phone) to help me make better choices when it came to men. This, of course, is in addition to the pattern and mindset work I’ve been doing to figure out why I made poor choices in the past.
Red flag lists can be for anything, not just dating. If you’re searching for a new job, for example, having that list in your mind as you go into interviews could be helpful to keep a clear head. Knowing your boundaries for any situation and what is and is not acceptable for you and your life is important to maintain your happiness.
Five
Say no more often. Once you know your boundaries, saying no will help maintain them. Once I announced I was moving, I was flooded with messages of people asking me to do things for them before I left. I actually broke down crying at one point because I was so overwhelmed. As a recovering people pleaser, I wanted to say yes to everyone and everything but I physically could not. I had to respect myself and say no to a few people or, at the very least, put them off for later.
Did I ruffle some feathers? Maybe but it’s not for me to worry about. I’m the one at the end of the day that needs to take care of myself and my health. Saying yes to all the requests would have seriously jeopardized it so it was a lesson in putting myself first. If you struggle with saying no, ask yourself this question: what is the worst thing that would happen if I said no? If the person gets annoyed at you, that's on them. You gotta take care of you, boo.
I hope this reaches the person that needed to read it! I’m so looking forward to settling in more and going back to sharing organizing tips with you. In the meantime, have a wonderful holiday and New Year!
*Disclosure: I only recommend products I would use myself and all opinions expressed here are my own. This post may contain affiliate links that at no additional cost to you, I may earn a small commission.